expendables2012

Genre: Action, Adventure, Thriller

Directed by: Simon West

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis

The badass who’s who of action stars return as the no holds barred mercenaries on a mission to save the world from a stash of plutonium. With Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li and many many more.

A real so-bad-its-good gem, which sidesteps wooden acting and dialogue with a hefty helping of bullets and dust ups. It was strange seeing Stallone, Arnie and (bless my soul) Chuck Norris etc all in the same flick. I kept thinking it was some kind of weird CGI experiment gone wrong, but no it was really them. It brought me back to my cheesy film nights of the 90‘s, and I could not shake off the warm, fuzzy, nostalgic glow as heads were lopped off and blood sprayed everywhere. Actually the action was really well paced and the fight scenes were pretty well choreographed.

Luckily there was non-stop conveyor belt of mayhem and destruction to paper over the cracks of the film. These cracks partially consisted of a world record-breaking amount of bad puns and “banter”. These went along the lines of:

Hands off my weapon…I am gonna leave it hanging here.

Jason Statham dressed as a priest says, “I now pronounce you man…and knife! (Stab)”…etc

Plus there were some seriously cringing entrance scenes from the action stars (which included Arnie arriving in a tank saying, “I’m back”). The actors themselves seemed to be chiseled from stone and about as animated. Yet despite all this I found my self really enjoying this movie. It’s just like a greasy kebab of a film. Its tasty, but bad for you, and some how worth all the heart burn you know your gonna have afterwards.

★★★