The projectors have spooled down and we finally have the chance to rest after an intensive week and a half at the UK’s biggest film festival. Aside from having a great time, there were lessons to learn from the 248 films on offer. We’ve distilled it down to the top 5 you really need to know.

1. Make sure you know the difference between “rushing” and “dragging”
whiplash-still-01In drumming that is. For if you don’t, you may find yourself on the receiving end of your conductor’s ferocious wrath, much like Andrew did in Whiplash. And then you’re in for a world of pain. For Andrew that meant repetitive slaps in the face and the threat of being gutted like a pig… Probably best to make sure you know all your rudiments too.

2. If you still don’t believe it, smoking really will kill you
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After countless medical studies, newspaper articles, big warnings on cigarette packets and smoking bans, people are surely beginning to understand the dangers of smoking. Unfortunately, none of this was available in the 1870s to save Nick Boraine’s cigar chomping henchman in The Salvation. Admittedly, he probably didn’t expect to be doused in flammable liquid dripping from the ceiling, and then turned into a human inferno, but it just goes to show the risks that come with lighting up.

3. If you’re a bus driver, avoid the Friday night shifts!
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Poor Wayne Goddard learnt that the hard way in Night Bus. Driving one of the East London routes in the early hours of Saturday morning, he had to deal with drunks who wanted to either verbally abuse him, or annoy him by asking for relationship advice. Although none of them are a match for the man who asked him to open the doors so he could urinate out of them… shipping London’s drunken louts around can be such an arduous task.

4. Double check all mobile phones are switched off
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It’s annoying enough when a phone goes off in the cinema, something that happened on more than one occasion during the festival. Imagine how much worse it is when you’re working away trying to hide the body of a man you’ve accidentally run over inside your mother’s coffin, only to find out you forgot to remove his phone. Such is the situation facing Detective Go Geon-soo in A Hard Day as he’s forced to stand by hoping no one will notice the tinny ringtone during the funeral. So next time you find you’re in the same situation, make sure it’s switched off.

5. You need to know if you’re a Bonobo or a Chimp
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According to Ewan McGregor’s ruthless armed robber in Son of a Gun, you’re either a tepid and nearly extinct Bonobo favouring love over a fight, or you’re a Chimp aggressively defending what you’ve earned. So before you decide what career to embark upon, perhaps you should work out if you’re a lover or a fighter. Not that is made all that much difference as both McGregor’s Brendan and his Bonobo protégé JR (Brenton Thwaites) were both pretty happy to orchestrate a prison break and nick a load of gold. But only one of them gets the girl.

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